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Thread: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

  1. #1
    Administrator, Instructor Guy Mancuso's Avatar
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    Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    Jack sent this to me today and I am still laughing and i can't resist not posting it.

    ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS. Scary thing it is true

    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased
    his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
    my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
    a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
    100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the Taser were
    supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
    assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it
    home.

    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
    Nothing!

    I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
    pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
    arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
    the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
    couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
    I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
    soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
    needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
    admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
    thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
    give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
    want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
    glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
    hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst
    would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
    supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a
    three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
    ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds
    would be wasting the batteries.

    All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
    side as to say, "don't do it, dip****," reasoning that a one second
    burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided
    to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
    prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD
    ...WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!!

    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me
    up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
    over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal
    position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
    testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in
    the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing
    sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging
    above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by
    my body flopping all over the living room.

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a Taser, one
    note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
    zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
    from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three
    second burst would be considered conservative?

    IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
    that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
    surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
    the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from
    where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were
    still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
    and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
    Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
    sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
    believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
    offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

    P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! "If
    you think education is difficult, try being stupid."
    Photography is all about experimentation and without it you will never learn art.

    www.guymancusophotography.com

  2. #2
    Super Duper
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    Re: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    Admit it Guy, it was you!

    I once zapped a friend through his blanket after trying for 2 hours to get him out of bed. He rose about a foot into the air! Not sure he ever forgave me for that but it's a fun toy!
    I am not a painter, nor an artist. Therefore I can see straight, and that may be my undoing. - Alfred Stieglitz

    Website: http://www.timelessjewishart.com

  3. #3
    Administrator, Instructor Guy Mancuso's Avatar
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    Re: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    No not me but the dog next door without question I would nail the whining snifling little PITA.
    And I love dogs have one myself but the one next door all bets are off.
    Photography is all about experimentation and without it you will never learn art.

    www.guymancusophotography.com

  4. #4
    Senior Member doug's Avatar
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    Re: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    Quote Originally Posted by Guy Mancuso View Post
    "If you think education is difficult, try being stupid."
    Speaking of electricity and lost nuts, my boss once (or so he tells me) "marked territory" on an electric fence. Won't happen twice.

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    Super Duper
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    Re: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    OOOOW that had to hurt!
    I am not a painter, nor an artist. Therefore I can see straight, and that may be my undoing. - Alfred Stieglitz

    Website: http://www.timelessjewishart.com

  6. #6
    Sr. Administrator Jack's Avatar
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    Re: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    Quote Originally Posted by doug View Post
    Speaking of electricity and lost nuts, my boss once (or so he tells me) "marked territory" on an electric fence. Won't happen twice.
    I saw a dog do that... Literally, his yelping sounded like screams as he ran away from the fence. Ran fast for only three legs, his lifted leg never came down...
    Jack
    home: www.getdpi.com

    "Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence."

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    Member Clawery's Avatar
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    Re: Now this is funny/ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

    Ouch! What other kind of security devices have you tried?

    Chris Lawery
    Sales Manager
    [email protected]
    Capture Integration, Phase One Dealer of the Year

    877-217-9870 | National Atlanta / Miami
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