Shelby, I'm so sorry for your loss. My sister-in-law and my cousin both struggle with depression and I worry about them often. Sometimes no amount of kind words or medication can lift their spirits. Like your mom, their eyes tell a story different from their forced smiles.
I'd love to hear how some of you have come to value a slower means of working (maybe as it applies to MF?)... and if you, too, have experienced things in your life that have called your artistic direction into question, and eventually brought you "back to where you always wanted to be".
At this point I have to apologize in advance for rambling. I have thoughts on the subject, that really only pertain to me, but they are far from concrete.
Photos stir the soul and great photos stir the soul deeply by conjuring feelings, thoughts, emotions, memories. They are nothing on their own.
I think writing off a camera as 'just a tool' is either naive or perhaps wishful thinking. What it took for me to really grasp this was listening to an interview with Ira Glass from NPR about story telling. Asked about the biggest mistake that new reporters/interviewers/storytellers make, Glass responded that they often try to pretend that they are not part of the story. The interviewer is the conduit of the story and their experiences, beliefs, prejudices and curiosities shape and color the story.
Photographers make the photograph, but the camera is the conduit that shapes it. Imagine photographing a football game with a 1-series Canon and 600/4 versus an 8x20 view camera. Same photographer, totally different resulting images. Each type of camera at some level dictates a flow or process. This was a hard lesson when I bought a Fuji 6x9 thinking it was somewhere between MF and LF image quality in a 35 mm package. Because it handled like a big 35 mm camera, my photos didn't look much different from what I would shoot with a SLR, where my photos with a Hasselblad, Mamiya RB or a 4x5 with a roll film back (same 6x9 as the Fuji) were very different. I shot a number of rolls of film with the Fuji before I sold it, but I can only think of three shots that were anything more than big 35 mm shots.
I don't feel that my people pictures (not head shots, mind you) shot with your old Sony lack intimacy or connection (though I would prefer almost anything with a waist level finder), but I feel that my landscape shots do. One of the main reasons I always want to add a 4x5 system for landscape work is the hunt for the same 'partner in the process' that you are looking for with portraits. It's not about image quality, it's the qualities of the image that count. I strive to take photos that make you feel like you are there, like you can just step into them, or if it is a person or animal that you can see their soul. A great picture makes you feel, not just see.
I was introduced to medium and large format photography in an advertising agency and a photographer who was willing to let me tag along. Anytime you are woking in a studio on a shot with multiple packs and multiple pops on some of the lights, shooting 4x5, you have to be considered and methodical. This was a stark contrast to the type of photography I have always done which might best be described as landscape photojournalism -- a small Nikon FM with a couple small lenses and running shoes. I always approached sports photography just like studio photography, but perhaps it is because there is a lot of time waiting, thinking, planning between the action.
What it took for me to slow down was a few things. First, I realized that I needed two discrete systems -- one fast and one slow. I bought the Leica DMR trying to find a single do-it-all system. It had medium format quality (overall image quality, not necessarily God's gift to pixel peeping) in a smaller size. What it really turned out to be was the wrong tool for the job most of the time. Most of the time I need light and fast. However, when I have time to make a photograph what I really want is a big piece of glass to stare at. Sure I would set the Fuji up on a tripod and expose a big piece of film, but I was composing on a tiny rangefinder. When I put a DSLR on a tripod I scan the ground glass to make sure the composition is balanced and press the button, then take a quick glance at the screen and histogram. Even when I am being slow the process is pretty fast.
For me, composing an image on ground glass with both eyes open is a different mental process that results in a discussion between me and the landscape where I ask what story it wants to tell today and let it guide and shape the image. A far cry from scanning the viewfinder and pushing a button.